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CREEPY GIRL CONFESSIONS – LEMONS INTO LEMONADE

September 26th, 2015

You know you are truly lonely when while riding the NYC subway you actually wish for unsolicited physical contact from strangers.

When I’m in my normal secure single girl mode I abhor anyone coming within 5 inches of my body. My daily crush hour commute sometimes traumatizes me being forced to squish against another human being. This year, while feeling especially vulnerable, I’ve opted to take the local train home. I can actually get a seat with the small fee of an extra 5 minutes added to my commute. My cats are now deceased which only adds to the crazy desire for the accidental brush against.

Therefore, when I’m lonely without any hugs for weeks……..my brain gets nutty.

It’s these moments that I wish someone would fall asleep on my shoulder while I imagine that they are my sweetheart. Or imagine myself saying, “Hey Mr. Man spread could you open a bit wider so I can get that full leg on leg contact?” Or shamelessly wait for the B train to round that sharp turn as I accidently let go of the rail, and fall into someone’s lap.

The possibilities are endless. My favorite imaginary encounter is when someone smacks you off your feet with his or her backpack; you return the favor by hugging the person as you apologize for your unsteadiness. No harm done. Return the favor works quite nicely for the occasional bump or rub. You bump me and I bump you back.

So, the next time during your rush hour commute when someone smacks into you, try to turn your anger into compassion. Consider that this person might not have gotten a hug that day.

Random rambling , ,

FATHERS AND SONS

December 26th, 2014

DSCN2666

I have once again retreated to the land of Fairy Tales. One day I am the Princess and the Pea, another day Little Red Riding Hood, but today I am Goldilocks.

Making my way through the Anthology of Grimm’s Fairy tales has given my no clarity whatsoever. I also find it disturbing that people call me by the fairy tale maiden names.

“Hey you, Rapunzel, get your butt over here, now!”

 

As Goldilocks it always seems that one chair is too hard, the other is too soft, and nothing is just right. I am referring directly to my world of being single and dating. This one is too old and that one is too young.

 

I went to the gym yesterday and the universe really wanted to stick my nose right in this dilemma. I say universe because I can’t commit to a belief in God or any supreme being but I can commit to the proven existence of energy and cause and effect.

 

As I was getting into the elevator to leave the gym a man and his son also get into the elevator. The man had been staring at me as I was practicing my inversions on the bench press bar. He said to me, “are you a professional gymnast?” I told him no and we had a bit of small talk before reaching the main floor. The man was clearly flirting with me but I found him to just too old although, he was probably the same age as myself. Then there was his son standing in the corner, trying to be invisible, hoping his father wouldn’t embarrass him. Unfortunately, I have also dated guys his age, and for obvious reason, just too young.

 

Where are all the inbetweeners?

Maybe I just haven’t found the right fairy tale.

Maybe I should consider Sleeping Beauty as an option.

For now I think I will just go back down the rabbit hole and hang out with Alice.

Random rambling ,

BRIBERY

July 14th, 2014

I bribe myself
I trick myself
I pull the wool over my eyes
So that I don’t stick my head back
Into the hole in the ground
Believing that everything will be alright

Some women use the words
Pamper
Spoil
Treat myself well

But to me
It’s still just a bribe
All the same

I fool myself into believing that
Material comforts will make me feel better
Will make up for all my unrequited loves
Will replace the touch of another human’s hands

I bait myself with trips to exotic countries
To have something to look forward to
To live for
If only for another 6 months or so

You
Can make a difference
You can bribe me
With a hug, a kind word, a smile, an acknowledgement
You can make this aloneness melt away

When you have nowhere left to go, go to Bali

When you have nowhere left to go, go to Bali

Random rambling , , ,

PILLOW WALK

June 18th, 2014

BALI

 

Was I truly in heaven?

Walking upon the clouds

Weightless, everything spinning around me

Yet, in perfect balance with the above and below

Firm, intentional footsteps

Sinking deep into the folds of fabric

Then floating back up into the landscape

Of soft peaks and valleys

 

Tiptoeing ever so quietly

Through the down comforter

Piled high as a mountain

On the floor at the foot of the bed

 

As I left the room, him, asleep

Entering back into my sad reality

 

Men, Poems, Prayer, desire, and begging

WISH GRANTED (From Modern Prayers for Modern People)

April 5th, 2014
My heart remains in Hawaii

My heart remains in Hawaii

I carried my wish granting crystal in the coin pocket of my skinny jeans for four days. On Thursday I wished for a man. I begged for a man. I demanded a man. I even wined a bit hoping the universe would shower some kindness and compassion upon my blackened soul.

Dear Powers That Be,

Bless you for granting my wish.

Thank you for taking me out of my hell of incessant suffering and

removing me from the solitary confinement which sooths my soul.

Allowing me the pleasure of pressing my skin against another’s skin.

Breathing his breath as though it were my own.

Feeling his heart beat inside of my heart.

Experiencing pure ecstasy of looking into his eyes, looking into mine.

Merged with the infinite, for that moment, I no longer felt dead.

Men, Prayer, desire, and begging , , ,

Please stop F-ing With Me! (from Fucked up Prayers for Fucked up people or Modern Prayers for Modern people)

January 21st, 2014

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