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FATHERS AND SONS

December 26th, 2014

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I have once again retreated to the land of Fairy Tales. One day I am the Princess and the Pea, another day Little Red Riding Hood, but today I am Goldilocks.

Making my way through the Anthology of Grimm’s Fairy tales has given my no clarity whatsoever. I also find it disturbing that people call me by the fairy tale maiden names.

“Hey you, Rapunzel, get your butt over here, now!”

 

As Goldilocks it always seems that one chair is too hard, the other is too soft, and nothing is just right. I am referring directly to my world of being single and dating. This one is too old and that one is too young.

 

I went to the gym yesterday and the universe really wanted to stick my nose right in this dilemma. I say universe because I can’t commit to a belief in God or any supreme being but I can commit to the proven existence of energy and cause and effect.

 

As I was getting into the elevator to leave the gym a man and his son also get into the elevator. The man had been staring at me as I was practicing my inversions on the bench press bar. He said to me, “are you a professional gymnast?” I told him no and we had a bit of small talk before reaching the main floor. The man was clearly flirting with me but I found him to just too old although, he was probably the same age as myself. Then there was his son standing in the corner, trying to be invisible, hoping his father wouldn’t embarrass him. Unfortunately, I have also dated guys his age, and for obvious reason, just too young.

 

Where are all the inbetweeners?

Maybe I just haven’t found the right fairy tale.

Maybe I should consider Sleeping Beauty as an option.

For now I think I will just go back down the rabbit hole and hang out with Alice.

Random rambling ,

Please stop F-ing With Me! (from Fucked up Prayers for Fucked up people or Modern Prayers for Modern people)

January 21st, 2014

Fortune
Dear Me__, (Fill in the bank with your favorite Supreme Being, Deity, Spirit Guide, etc)

It’s me!
Please cease and desist these childish games of “groundhog day”, “around the block one more time”, and “remember me?”

When I meet a man in my life and it doesn’t go in a very positive way, I say goodbye and move on.

Why do you keep sending them back to me?
Nora always use to say, “bless them and send them back to God.”
Did God move and not send me its forwarding address?
Is it because I don’t believe in God and am merely “talking to the hand?”
Or just nature’s way of telling me something’s wrong?
Jesus! Or Holy cow! Or just plain, Fuck me!

Hello? Yes, this is she.
Or in Text form: Yes? Who is this, you are not in my “contacts”

Oh, hey Ramano, yes, it’s been a long time. Yes, the Chef, of course I remember you. What’s up? Want to get together? Sure. I still haven’t heard from him yet.

Oh Vik! Yes, I remember you from my friends, friend’s, birthday party 18 months ago. (The worst date that I have ever been on) No, I don’t want to get together again!

Hey Dave! Do I remember you? Not exactly. You were the one that drugged and maybe raped me on New Years Eve last year. So, no, no, I don’t want to go out for a drink.

Steve, Steve who? Oh yes, the Steve from that outside hotel bar two years ago. The after party, party. Are you still married? Yeah, thought so. Call me after the divorce comes through. Nope, I haven’t been thinking about you at all.

Oh hey Paul! What’s up? Do you think we will ever get back together again? WTF! We broke up in 1982. No, no, no, it’s not going to happen. Click.

Fuh real?

It’s been a rough year.
Maybe only two dates, two booty calls.

Prayer:
With gratitude, I would like to say that at least men find me memorable and desirable enough to contact me years after we met, regardless of the outcome.
So what if I am still single.
There are worse things in the world.
Amen.

Men, Prayer, desire, and begging , ,

THE COUGAR CHRONICLES

January 19th, 2012

April 2010.  Cub #1 from the internet.  “Lethal Weapon”

I never thought that I would have to pay for sex. Women like me don’t have to. We are smart, sexy, and fun!

But, this was no mere play for pay experience.

This was a hook-up that went very wrong, with a little bit of right.

It was a hook-up that involved a trip to the emergency room, which ended up being very costly.

He was my official first cub from the website. Age 19.

He was beautiful and nameless. “Lethal Weapon” (my nickname for him) was an engineering student from Turkey that lived with his large family in New Jersey.

I was a successful designer, middle-aged, and living in Manhattan.

Our two worlds collided and when that happens, someone always has to pay.

C’EST La Vie!

Let the adventure begin!

CUB #1 the  “Lethal Weapon”

I paid for sex.

It was accidental.

He was beautiful and he was begging to be with me.

This stranger, so confidant, so aggressive.

He was nineteen, an engineering student, and was determined

to be the best.

A sex machine.

It would be a lie if I said that I hadn’t considered paying for sex.

In NYC relationships are haphazard, elusive, and complex.

Sex in the city is dangerous.

Lying because no truth is worth the risk of being wrong.

He was an engineer and that’s how he fucked.

Using his precision tool he carved out a piece of me

Sending me to the emergency room.

A “drill bit” so sharp and direct that there was no pain

as he tore my most sacred space.

It was an expensive indiscretion.

An ER bill of $7,800.00.

That was painful, the medical bill, but the emotional damages

were much worse.

I was his third victim. And cannot call the police.

With consensual sex there are no rights.

I paid for sex. It is recorded.

THE COUGAR CHRONICLES , ,

FIRST DATE

October 17th, 2010

We sat on the cold park bench on the Hudson River sipping Champagne from our insulated stainless steel covered coffee mugs. A first date after hours of longing anticipation was fully activated. Yet we both were so shy and introverted that the tension only intensified. Waiting for the first kiss I wondered if it were meant to be an indoor event. The brisk cold air of October might have even frozen that kiss in an attempt to stop the unstoppable chemistry between a man and women. ….to be continued

Men , ,