Posts Tagged ‘depression’


October 22nd, 2013
"Bonks" and I chanting before his departure.

“Bonks” and I chanting before his departure.

That’s what my veterinarian said as she euphonized my beloved pet. “Do you want to stay with him for awhile?” She asked. Heck no, why would I want to hang out with an empty shell? “The body is just a vessel” She said that also.

The soul has left the body. That is exactly what I thought when I came home last Friday night only half drunk and in tears. New job. Same story. For the past 10 years I have dreaded every job that I have had in the Fashion Industry. The first 15 years weren’t quite so bad when the money was good and work was plentiful.

My friend and colleague in the industry said one day this past summer, “this kind of work erodes the soul.”

So, last Friday night I took ½ of a tablet of an anti-depressant. I begged my doctor to write a prescription for me several weeks ago when I was still un-employed. I told him that I couldn’t afford to go to a “specialist” doctor.

They sat on my night stand as I prayed day and night to feel better. I made a deal with myself. I was convinced that once I started working again I would no longer feel depressed. The reality was that working just takes my mind off the depression, while I am working.

I woke up Saturday morning and as I went to make coffee I thought, My Soul has now officially left my body. I watched my “alternative self” switch to auto-pilot. I was horrified and relieved all at the same time.

No feelings, no emotions, productive.


Random rambling , , , , ,